Sigma Tau Delta Convention,
St. Louis 1999 		Back to STD On-Line

Zac Showers - To the Beholder

(To hear Zac read this poem on WKIX radio, you need the RealPlayer.)

He's as ugly as a train wreck, I can never understand
why you let that monkey hold you, why you call that troll your man,
what is it about a guy who could make a statue cry,
that draws the finest woman like a shitpile draws a fly?

I have seen him walk the streets and frighten children with a smile,
and I swear he dropped a buzzard with a glance from half a mile,
he could scare the paint off siding, strip the varnish off a chair,
cut off his nose to spite his face and he'd be unaware,
and you you love him more than life itself and never look at me,
what is it that this monster has that only you can see?

He's stupid as a box of hair, like a football bat, he's dumb,
he smells like week-old buttermilk that's been left in the sun,
he fell out of the ugly tree and cross-checked ever limb,
and Bigfoot and the Boogeyman tell their children tales of him,
I really can't begin to tell you just how much he sucks,
a doctor wouldn't treat him for a hundred thousand bucks,
but y'all are still together, just as close as close can be,
so I have never known the man who's luckier than he,

You cannot argue with success--O how those words ring true,
I've got charm and looks and money bags--and he goes home with you.

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